Chasing a Dream

Most of the times i sit in class, this is what i wanted in life?.. Sometimes people realize their area of interest after a long time..in many cases d enlightenment takes time..i fit into this category..i was a person who cherished tits and bits of life what brought..like every kid..i used to save ants in rain pools, sympathize the love birds in the cage, many a times felt sorry for the street dogs and buffaloes..But many overgrow these once they grow up..My heart still aches for all this..rather philosophically its not the btech and mba i wanted..may be at this point of time it sounds foolish..the immense time,money i wasted..this is not what i wanted.i know iam meant for something less..in a way i have not wasted my time..these years taught me what i shouldn't do ..and my life begins from now..

Zindagggi Do Pal Ki!!!!

Who doesn’t have problems in life.. I guess there won’t be a single day when we wouldn’t have cursed our life. We crib over silly things, and wish one could actually rewind the time and start as a fresh leaf. There is no point regretting over past mistakes, failures, blunders. If life would have been so easy then all of us would have been angels.

I still remember the day when my 12th board results were out, I was looking at the mark sheet up and down, just to confirm its mine or not. I was on cloud9 not coz of the results, but for not going back to school again  To be frank, the marks I got were far more than expected. More than me it was my biology sir who became dumbstruck, he couldn't believe I actually passed.This very thought of just starting off again, reminds me of all that torture I went through during board preparation. I still remember amma waiting in the doorstep daily without eating till I came back after exams. And now I am at a stage wherein I did my engineering in NIT Warangal and now pursuing MBA.

I have always seen the above average ones excelling in life than the so called brainy ones. I really don’t feel that great saying iam a KV product, cause it’s a place where everybody are so immature, if you want friends either be the funky kind  or be the fundo kind to be in the group, and if you are an above average one like me who don’t fit into any then go hunting for a herd of your own(which will end up nowhere) , or just be yourself .All these Einstein’s and so called school celebrities reached nowhere. The very point I got this text over here, is that don’t just degrade yourself, everybody have got something in them which you have to cherish and then keep moving ahead. Love yourself. And iam sure  you will do better, actually much better in life. If a dumbass like me can reach so far, I guess anybody can JJ

When you feel really lonely in life, console yourself thinking that your mom is there back at home praying for you. Think of those who don’t have a parent, aren’t you better off than them? The pinching that you feel seeing you friends getting cozy with their girl or guy is just so obvious, but just feel lucky to be born in India, wherein one day its your family’s responsibility to get you married. Feel happy that you are not born somewhere in west, where searching spouse is up to oneself. Not everybody can be smoking hot and tall and handsome, for ones like me who don’t fall in either of the category arranged marriage is the best. Very less chance of dumping and family security.  JJ There are  so many reasons not to complain. Be with people who care for you, make sure an understanding prevails in relations. Being there 24*7,don’t make a relationship everlasting, it’s the caring and understanding that is the backbone of a relation. I strongly believe whether its friendship or love, doesn’t matter if you are not together, you don’t talk, still the relationship can be made worthwhile you ,truly heartily care and believe, without any expectations. There is an almighty above who will pay you back if your love Is unselfish.

Human beings are never satisfied, from the work we do to the clothes we wear. I know it’s really tough to sit in front of computer for more than 8 hours, sitting all the while staring at the screen, but very sight of the municipality workers cleaning the dirt on the roads, make me feel so small. Iam not satisfied with any apparel I wear. I feel in every dress my tummy keep protruding out or I look more dark or lot more. I would have stopped complaining if I had fewer clothes; it’s the volume that makes you crib.In front of my office there is this stinking guy,who thrives on rotten food.I changed my route just because i could stand the very site of him, and the new path i took, had this physically handicapped beggar, who was yet sad element.How cruel is the world to them, why wouldn't they be, when even god has closed his eyes.

We do have responsibilities at home, work, loan that you have to pay back, career, but there are lot more people around us who are facing the worse of situations. Think of the lady conductor who moves here and forth 100 times in a day in the bus. Isn’t she tough? I have seen here in Bangalore ladies with hell lot of experience sticking to their job,to support their family. aren’t they educated? Men are sick everywhere, may it be in a metro or any damn place? Did this make them quit? I salute these people and they no doubt motivate me.

 ZINDAGI HAI DO PAL KI!!LIVE IT THE FULLEST THOUGH WE DON’T  KNOW WHERE WE ARE GONNA LAND UP, BUT MAKE SURE ITS NOT HELLL!!!

After The Shower!!

Yet another Sunday passed away. Life has become so busy, I have lost track of time, days, weeks passes away in a flick of time and I am left with feeling, Oh yeh..i happened to go to college last Sunday and it seems like a day before.

Today I took a afternoon off from a really lousy class and spend time with one of this really adorable couple. The very feeling that you get seeing people with lot of understanding, loads of care and then lots and lots of love, is itself immense.

Yeh , the climate in Bangalore is kinda weird. Its so hot the entire day, and then by evening dark cloud pile up from no where and then heavy downpour and thunders. So this evening after dinner I got struck in the heavy rain that lasted I don’t know how long.

I sought shelter in the bus stop. I could actually see the huge heavy droplets under the light of the lamp post nearby, hitting hard all possible thingy. I was standing in the pavement idle, watching around. The road was flooded with muddy water, the vegetable vendors were trying hard to cover their possessions with sheets and a couple was trying to seek shelter in a fancy umbrella, there was a guy with cycle, carelessly moving. For a little span of time there was no life, moving. People flocked under any roof that they could find. The place where I was standing got filled in soon. As usual I got lost in my own dreams, the very part of me.

I was just having visions of me standing so pretty in the rain, and some honcho passing by staring, like he has found his dream girl. I know this sound a lot like a movie, wherein Imran Hashmi find this really pretty girl and go and smooch. Okie, first thing I don’t want an imran hashmi to come hit on me, and kissing and all is like out of way. But, the tragic part of the session is among the flock around, no body fit into my criteria.This reminds me of one of my really good friend in Bangalore, yet another sweetheart, “ Divya we keep looking at handsome guys and why does it always happen that all the uncles stare at us”. I don’t really believe in looks , its finally the feelings that matter. And I really believe “you should be loving a person who loves you, but not whom you love”. But it so happens, that some point of time you might want this one person to love you, though you know it will be hard on the latter’s part to get the same feeling. But I don’t really believe in this emotional torturing, forcing and making the other love you. The feelings that come from heart shouldn't be a selfish kind, you have done your part, its now up to them to accept or not.

This part of life is really called struggling; back in home you lead such a comfortable life, wherein you get everything in your doorstep, wherein you give a call to your dad, and demand things, and poor thing getting all possible orders irrespective of the tiring day he had. Going out of home after 5 in the evening is also out of routine. Life in the other part of hedge is so contrary wherein you work 12 hours a day, slogging like a pig in the office, and the whole torture of travelling, wherein after 7 in the night the bus is so damn crowded, you have hardly any place to stand and you have uncles staring at you from top to bottom, as if their eyes are made up of ultra thin layers, through which they can see everything. It’s so difficult to survive and I do feel proud of myself for being independent. At least I should be doing so much for the pain the parents took to bring me up. Life is not easy, it’s really hard and you can survive only if you are tough and yeah life have taught me to be tough.

The thunder gave me a jerk that was when I realised that the food parcel in my hand, was getting cold. By then I was feeling really uncomfortable with the eyes around penetrating so much, I realised its better to walk in the rain, than actually waiting the shower to subside. The next second, I just closed my eyes and ears and stepped on the road.

I felt my mobile ringing a number of times, but later on got to know it was the classical music from the nearby Function hall. Expectations are so part of you, that when you know nothing is gonna happen, you still expect.

FEELINGS!!!!

We humans should consider our self lucky in a way, that we can express what we feel. Its just not the face that reflects your emotions, but everything that is part of you, more than the physical aspects its just the change in your behavior.

I don’t think so its really necessary to go out with someone or just be with them for quite long to actually feel for them. You can like a person even without mingling so much. You never know its actually what that actually makes you love them. This goes in with everybody, may its their presence that makes you feel good or may be even their life , that makes you feel for them.

Life becomes actually beautiful when you think you have someone to care for, or just do things for or even just think or talk about. I know this sound like a fantasy kind of love, but its actually a wonderful feeling until the same thing breaks your heart.

But its actually kind of practical and obvious, the breaking heart thingy, because just imagine the shock the person who are being loved gets to know this. He/she will be dumbstruck. what feelings? And who?what did I actually do that such a situation occurred?

But you know what, this is the ending of most of the love stories , the other person never get to know that he or she is actually being loved . the worst part every body longs for love, and when they get to know that somebody actually feel for them they are just not ready. People say that this true love and all is bullshit, and the black and white kind of love has become extinct, but the fact is you just have to dig the fossils.

Relief is such kind of a feeling is in a way to let the Fantasy Guy/Girl who you actually adore let know somehow what you actually feel. May be they will laugh through this and at the most most feel for the victim, but imagine the other way that you have been feeling for a person since I don’t how long and never been able to say, and the finally end up somewhere else and then think like..once upon a time..it had happened like this..

When you are in love everything just seems to be lovely, the breeze, the rain , the rainbow , the colors, the kids..you feel happy inside and just sees the world accordingly..you do all possible things to look great..but when your heart is broken all these seems to be a burden....an emptiness kind of prevails..when it rains you just feeling like getting wet so atleast it wipes out feeling..imagine the same rain which you once upon a time just waited for has turned out to be something else now..its life....

"It was raining yesterday, so is today..but yesterday i was in love and today iam heartbroken"..

I don’t know actually what I have written..it may sound out of mind to an extend but it’s a true fact. It goes like feel for somebody, it always happens in way of life that you like someone in life just a little more, but its you never get in life everything that you “like”

So live through it..It really hurts a lot, and will take little time..but feelings are just a integral part of you, which actually make you go crazy..A friendship or a relationship don’t just expect anything. Just realize that “feelings to control nahi kar paya , kya karein yeh dil bhi na..kamina hai yaar”..

PILOSOPEEE!!

I don’t know since how long I have been thinking of writing something, but life has become so busy, that there is hardly any time. Sometime I feel the only that is left now is to tie a knot. So my day goes like this, get up at 6, cook and go to office, come back by 9.30, by the time you fresh up its 10. Cook again and then sleep and till Saturday the same routine. And Sunday attend class. What a life?? Iam so packed up 24*7.. “ career banane ke chakkar mein apna life borin bana diya yaar “.

The Pressure in the office is yet another thingy that pulls out all the energy in life and in addition to which the chaos in life. And the traffic and pollution in bengaluru is yet another headache.The only thing that keeps me going is “I love my job and in short time I have made such good friends around, which really inspires me to go on”.

Life is like that, you are no more a college going freak. This may sound philosophical but it’s the truth. The final chance to make a career. There were moments in life when I think iam just loosing myself for being in the group. Life is just more than building relationship, learn to prioritise people. This is the words of one of colleague, which I think is quite practical. Once you know the tactic, who have learned to live. It actually made me think a lot, may be it big time I change. You cant just love everybody and also expect the same back, learn to just select a few and just build a strong bond such that they remain through out your life.

Finally “zindangi apni hai yaar..jeena sikho “. I think finally I am growing up.

OYE SUMMER,SUMMER OYE!!!

I have hell lot of reasons to hate summer, the major one of course the usual girly thingy.I get tanned during summer, basically being a person with an extra lump of melanin in skin (though I still look good), summer on the whole gives me an African look.

I always hated sunny days right from school. Being a k.v student , we unfortunate souls used to have class when rest of the kids used to have summer holidays. Kendriya vidyalaya had a weird system where after the results are out, we have to attend 1 month session and appear for 1^st unit test in the new class. Ohh god!!! Hw worse!! . in the hot burning sun, with heavy load on the back, have to board 2 buses and then reach school. You feel so yucky all time with sweat running in the body. I do really hate summer.

My super cool bro have this habit of comparing his skin tone with mine, this low melanin content runs down the family lane, within which he has kept a scale.

This time when I came from bengaluru, my bro was in cloud 9, to see me all swollen. The green city is no more green, burning like an oven, then imagine a place like palakkad, its now the “hot bowl of kerala”. You can fry omelette on terrace now.

All the water sources have dried up, there are now rocks in place of “bharatha puzha”.

The heat has even made people crazy. Few incidents in and around actually left me ROFLMAO!! my neighbour got drunk, and broke the aquarium in his house with bare feet because his spouse didn’t change the water, and ended up with 3 stitches in his feet. How dumb!! A household not faraway burned their plants and then claimed for compensation from the state, stating the plants got sun-burned. People have almost gone lunatic. In a way cant blame them, this heat has made everyone lethargic and frustoo that they end up doing crazy tactics.

A large number of small juice and ice points have popped up near roadside, and people flock around now and then for life. Piles of water melon on nook and corner, seasonal flavour “mangoes” are now a common site. I prefer to enjoy the flavour and then sleep the entire day.

Thriving for drops of hope, So is life built on hopes.

LOVE!!

I have always wondered, how do people fall in love? I see my friends talking hours on phone .god knows what they talk. But experienced ones says it s a wonderful feeling. Everybody wants somebody who cares and longs for them.

There are certain feelings which cannot be expressed but just felt. it feels really great to have someone who just calls you everyday, and ask you? So did u have your break fast?

Who just sees only you? This is the feminine part of love. Where possessiveness comes.

More over the jealousy that follows is really funny as a third person’s point of view.

I still remember the dialogue in from the movie “my best friends wedding”

“It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy”.

I still remember my college days. Me and my rommie and once soul partner used to have wonderful time teasing the couples. And we used to wonder what will be our reaction when some one actually will propose us. It was like the last possible thing which will happen. To her astonishment she got proposed finally in final year by her childhood friend.

It’s when I understood “love is just a wonderful feeling” .In her case, she is committed to a guy whom she new her entire life. Sometimes the person is nearby and you never realize it.

Believe me I used to feel “love is just a misunderstanding between two fools”.

I have seen more shrunken relationships, but the very few wonderful relations around have made me realize the purity of the relation.

Love makes life beautiful. When you are in love there is happiness around, an unknown force takes a control over you. You feel like dressing up, spending hours and hours in front of mirror till you are satisfied. There is a spark in the eyes and a smile on your face. It’s such a wonderful feeling. You feel you are floating in the clouds.

Sometimes I do feel “it would have been great even I had someone”. But life is not just being in relationships when you have to make a career. Especially the faith the parents have in you is so tremendous even a little infatuation makes you feel guilty.

I have been seeing my own parents from infant hood. There are so wealthy in case of understanding and caring. So it’s seriously not necessary to fall in love before marriage to have a beautiful relation. It’s basically how you are. And life is so unpredictable.

As there is a saying “your life is actually written according to the deeds you do in your entire life”.